Monday, December 24, 2012

Interpersonal Communication And Conflict Management Skills For Managing Employee Relations

Conflict is inevitable, but it can be reduced and turned into something positive. The interpersonal conflicts we experience on a daily basis at both from the large organizations to a tiny corporation. Conflict shifts people's focus away from work and the basic goals of the team, department and organization. It negatively impacts productivity, morale and ultimately the results. The most important skills needed for managing employee relations are interpersonal communications and conflict management skills.

Interpersonal communication skills is the foundation for making the hostile work environment and it allows the supervisor or manager an opportunity to build a good relationships with the overall workgroup. In an organization peoples are required to work with a group. Because of cultural differences among the team member a tremendous amount of interaction is required. Interpersonal skills can help to create the right workplace climate reducing disruptive behavior. Also supervisors and leaders should respect their employees to accomplish a goal. Interpersonal communication has many dimensions. Interaction with other people allows individuals the opportunity to develop and enhance their own ideas and share valuable information with the others. Through the proper perception of the interaction employee can find solutions to improve their organizational effectiveness. Interpersonal skills develop good employee relations with the workforce through visual and verbal imagery making employee more satisfied and fulfilled.

No one likes to deal with conflict, but the truth of the matter is that we must. Problems that aren't dealt with tend to become septic and spread into other areas and relationships. Conflict Management Skills can help in resolving employee relations issues quickly and more effectively, and can create greater satisfaction with the workgroup. Surveys show that managers now spend about 20 percent of their time on conflict resolution. And, as employees are asked to communicate with a greater variety of people, they need their own conflict management skills. Most of us are less skilled at handling conflict than we should be. Although studies show that a negotiating behavior is usually the best response to a conflict situation.

Interpersonal Communication And Conflict Management Skills For Managing Employee Relations

When in conflict people have five basic conflict handling positions:

Avoiding Accommodating Competing Compromising Collaborating

Disordered management style and issues exacerbate the conflict because the communication gets distorted and people become frustrated in a workgroup. Managers should always address up difficult situation and speak up. Effective listening skills convey information properly. Listening what the person says, and responding to the conversation on a positive way reduces workplace conflict. Conflict of any type creates some type of emotions such as anger, frustration, and sorrow. Managing these emotions through respect and careful manner can establish a good relationship with the workplace. With all these techniques improve your conflict-management skills that will go a long way in fostering positive employee relations with a workforce.

Interpersonal Communication And Conflict Management Skills For Managing Employee Relations
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Friday, December 21, 2012

11 Easy Ways to Manage Anger

The first step in being able to learn effective anger management techniques is to recognize the situations that make you angry and your body's warning signs of anger.

List things that can trigger your anger

Make a list of the things that often set off your anger (for example, running late for work and getting stuck in a traffic jam, your teenager leaving not helping out around the house or a co-worker blaming you for something you didn't do). If you know ahead of time what makes you angry, you may be able to avoid these things or do something different when they happen.

11 Easy Ways to Manage Anger

Pay attention to the warning signs of anger in your body

Notice the things that happen to your body that tell you when you are getting angry (for example, a pounding heart, flushed face, sweating, tense jaw, tightness in your chest or gritting your teeth).The earlier you can recognize these warning signs of anger, the more successful you will probably be at calming yourself down before your anger gets out of control.

Find anger management techniques that work for you

There are a number of different ways of managing anger and some strategies will suit you better than others. Here's some simple ways to put an end to the vicious cycle of stress that anger can bring:

Control your thinking

When you're angry, your thinking can get exaggerated and irrational. Try replacing these kinds of thoughts with more useful, rational ones and you should find that this has an affect on the way you feel. For example, instead of telling yourself "I can't stand it, it's awful and everything's ruined," tell yourself "It's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it." Psychologists call this type of thinking "self talk."

Develop a list of things to say to yourself before, during and after situations in which you may get angry. It is more helpful if these things focus on how you are managing the situation rather than what other people should be doing.

Before:

"I'll be able to handle this. It could be rough, but I have a plan."

"If I feel myself getting angry, I'll know what to do."

During:

"Stay calm, relax, and breathe easy."

"Stay calm, I'm okay, s/he's not attacking me personally."

"I can look and act calm."

After:

"I managed that well. I can do this. I'm getting better at this."

"I felt angry, but I didn't lose my cool."

Take time out

If you feel your anger getting out of control, take time out from a situation or an argument. Try stepping outside the room, or going for a walk. Before you go, remember to make a time to talk about the situation later when everyone involved has calmed down. During time out, plan how you are going to stay calm when your conversation resumes.

Use distraction

A familiar strategy for managing anger is to distract your mind from the situation that is making you angry. Try counting to ten, playing soothing music, talking to a good friend, or focusing on a simple task like polishing the car, doing the dishes, folding laundry or walking the dog.

Use relaxation techniques

Relaxation strategies can reduce the feelings of tension and stress in your body. Practice strategies such as taking long deep breaths and focusing on your breathing, or progressively working around your body and relaxing your muscles as you go.

Learn assertiveness skills

Assertiveness skills can be learnt through self-help books or by attending courses. These skills ensure that anger is channelled and expressed in clear and respectful ways. Being assertive means being clear with others about what your needs and wants are, feeling okay about asking for them, but respecting the other person's needs and concerns as well and being prepared to negotiate.

Avoid using words like "never" or "always" (for example, "You're always late!"), as these statements are usually inaccurate, make you feel as though your anger is justified, and don't leave much possibility for the problem to be solved.

Try to acknowledge what is making you angry

Acknowledge that a particular issue has made you angry by admitting it to yourself and others. Telling someone that you felt angry when they did or said something is more helpful than just acting out the anger.

Make sure you think about who you express your anger to, and take care that you aren't just dumping your anger on the people closest to you, or on people who are less powerful than you. For example, don't yell at your partner, children, or dog when you are really angry with your boss.

Sometimes it can help to write things down. What is happening in your life? How do you feel about the things that are happening? Writing about these topics can sometimes help give you some distance and perspective and help you understand your feelings. Work out some options for changing your situation.

Rehearsing anger management techniques

Use your imagination to practice anger management strategies. Imagine yourself in a situation that usually sets off your anger. Imagine how you could behave in that situation without getting angry. Think about a situation where you did get angry. Replay the situation in your mind and imagine resolving the situation without anger.

Try rehearsing some anger management strategies with a friend. Ask them to help you act out a situation where you get angry, so that you can practice other ways to think and behave. Practice saying things in an assertive way.

11 Easy Ways to Manage Anger
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Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Getting Fired Or Laid-Off - 7 Things to Say Or Do for Your Friend Who Has Been Fired Or Laid-Off

Last fall (2007) there was a CEO succession at the company where my husband and I work. In November, my husband, who was in upper management, was the first to be laid off. In a nanosecond, not only does your work network crumble but so does your social network. What do you say or do for your co-worker and friend who has been fired or laid off?

Whenever there is a change in management, employees become afraid. Your job feels very insecure; you become defensive, protection your position. With a change in management, there is usually some form of change coming down the pike. When a company brings on a new CEO, it may well mean changes in top management. For example, Jach Welch became president of GE (General Electric) when GE was in trouble. He was know by the nickname "Neutron Jack" because many folks lost their jobs. However, he turned the company around to be viable in today's world, thereby saving and creating jobs. That is great for those who stay or get hired, and not so great for the ones who lose their jobs. That scenario happens every day in companies all over the county. What do you say or do for your co-worker who has been laid off.

1) When you see your friend, say "Hi, I am sorry to hear about your job." Loosing a job isn't leprosy. I can't tell you the number of our friends that wouldn't, couldn't or didn't know how to talk to us. They would avoid us by looking at their shoes and walk away. Just say "Hi!" The friendship and support is needed and much appreciated. Just keep in contact.

Getting Fired Or Laid-Off - 7 Things to Say Or Do for Your Friend Who Has Been Fired Or Laid-Off

2) Do activities with your friend. Go to lunch or dinner with them, play golf or cards or go to a show. You don't have to fix the situation, just be a friend.

3) Listen. Your friend will need to sort things out and make plans for the future. It is easier and nicer to have a friend walk the path with you.

4) Encourage your friend through the process of the job search, It can be very lonely and frustrating to look for a new position. It is very important to be positive during this time. You are much more likely to land a new job with a positive , upbeat attitude. Call your friend, frequently to see how he/she is doing and how the process is going.

5) Depending upon the circumstances, the friend may have to move. Stay in contact with your friend during the process. It there are ways to help, do so if your are able. Having your friend over for a simple dinner is a wonderful gesture.

6) There will be a whole host of emotions that everyone will go through during this process. You don't have to get stuck in "life sucks" conversations. Simply recognizing the emotions of anger, disappointment, sadness, and grief may be all that you need to do. Then you can get on to what is right and good in the new opportunities that present.

7) Be a "Friend." Be present and available to the extent you can. You never know when this person or another friend will need to be there for your. "Pay it forward," if you will.

Getting fired or laid-off is not the worst thing in the world. Learn from the situation and grow. It is a doorway to new opportunities that await you and your friend. Celebrate the friendship you have had. You are both better for having known each other.

Getting Fired Or Laid-Off - 7 Things to Say Or Do for Your Friend Who Has Been Fired Or Laid-Off
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Friday, December 14, 2012

Anger Management- 10 Action Steps To Safely Process Anger

Managing anger is actually not as complex as it may first seem. The first steps are to identify and acknowledge your own anger and then try to find the reason or cause of why are you angry. Emotions should not be suppressed. Repressing them only makes them rear their ugly heads in the long run, usually in a misdirected, explosive way.

Expressing one's anger is important, one only needs to do so in a manner that is appropriate and does not cause any one else, or even one's self, harm. The following are anger management tips to keep you and those around you emotionally and physically safe.

1. Buy yourself some time before reacting.

Anger Management- 10 Action Steps To Safely Process Anger

There may be instances where you realize that your outbursts of anger are having a negative effect on your friends, family and work colleagues, it is important therefore to take a little time out. If you find your anger is boiling up and will explode any minute, count from one to ten. This helps prior to actually leaving or reacting to the current angry situation at hand.

2. Do a physical activity.

Move a muscle, change a thought. Doing a physical activity could actually help provide you a positive outlet for any of your pent up emotions or anger, especially if you feel the emotions erupting. Go run or walk around, clean the house or office. Go swimming or try to lift some weights, shoot some baskets.

3. Calm, calm, calm yourself.

Whether you are angry or not, it is always helpful to do some breathing-deep exercises. You could try to visualize a scene that is relaxing. You could also try to repeat a word or a phrase that is calming for you. Repeat this as often as you possibly could. The word or phrase could be as simple as, relax or chill out.

You could also try listening to some calming music, do some painting, jot your thoughts out on a journal just to let your feelings out. You could also do some yoga.

4. Express yourself appropriately

It is really not advisable to stew. When you are angry, immediately acknowledge and own your anger and try to kick over alternative means of expression. If it is quite impossible to address your own anger in a manner that is safe and pertinent to the situation. Talk it out with a friend, family, therapist or counselor or any other person you think you could trust.

5. Always play the tape forward.

In the heat of anger, there may be instances where things said or done are those you usually would later regret. This actually hurts more than the anger itself, and one that you wished you could always take back but never could.

As much as possible, think twice before saying anything or acting in the heat of an angry moment. Explore the future ramifications.

6. Work with, not work against.

Realize that it is always best to work directly with the particular personor situation that has angered you in order to identify the possible solutions of a particular situation.

7. Hold yourself accountable.

Deep down, using statements that start with an 'I' help in describing a particular problem and so assists in holding yourself accountable rather than unnecessarily placing the blame on someone else. You may say, 'I am upset' rather than, 'You made me upset'

In actuality, no one has more control of your feelings than you. Do not let others make you angry without your express permission. You can choose to be angry, and you can also choose not to be angry as well.

8. Try not to carry resentment or grudge.

Holding resentment is actually unproductive and unhelpful in the long run. It is heavy and it holds you back. Believe it or not, it is always easier to forgive and let go. Resentments can linger for years after the event in your mind, when the person who affected you has long disappeared from the scene.

9. Be realistic.

The fact of the matter is that it is quite unrealistic to make sure or even expect anyone to go behave the way you exactly want them to.

10. Don't take yourself so seriously.

IN the grand scheme of the cosmos, how important was the event that set you off? Humor can be an effective diffuser of tension. Remember there are many ways of looking at a situation, maybe your way is not the correct way.

There are many more tolls to use in anger management. Keep a journal and note every time you get angry or on any situation you feel has angered you. You may refer to this list in the future and use it as a productive tool to know which things set you off in order for you to know, monitor and be aware of the reactions you express, in order for you to change these for the better.

The most important anger management tip is to identify, own, and process the emotion when it occurs and not let it build up.

Anger Management- 10 Action Steps To Safely Process Anger
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Sunday, December 9, 2012

Children's Anger Management Worksheets - Tips To Manage An Angry Kid Easily

A child is not always the easiest person to manage and it is far more challenging to manage their anger. For this, one needs to have lots of imagination. A child is simply not meant to deal with extreme feelings of anger. They just do not know how to exhibit their feelings of anger and they do it by showing through actions like throwing tantrums. Children not knowing what is causing them to be angry just refuse to share their anger emotions. That's why it is important to look for good programs and resources which would be beneficial when it comes to treating a child who has anger problems.

Any anger management program which is being designed keeping children in mind should include exercises and activities which would keep them occupied. If you take your child to meet a psychiatrist or enroll them into a support group program, you will find that it is in no way going to help the child. This is because the children themselves are unable to understand why they are getting angry in the first place, so they will not be able to talk about it either. Worksheets and activities which have been specially designed to cater to their anger problems will instead benefit them much more.

Most children are quite familiar with puzzles, coloring pages and worksheets as these are very common as part of their school work. So it is only wise that lessons in anger management are cleverly incorporated in worksheets to make them extremely fun and interesting to the child. These anger management worksheets should contain strategies and techniques which will help control anger and something which the child also understands and gives positive responses. The coloring pages should contain familiar situations while the puzzles can have words which are connected to the child's anger issues.

Children's Anger Management Worksheets - Tips To Manage An Angry Kid Easily

Other than worksheets, games and fun activities can also be used for anger management as children love to play games. Children get angry because of traits like jealousy and competition. Therefore games should be so structured that children are taught to interact with other children in a healthy way and that there is no need for them to feel any jealousy. Children should be encouraged to play games and taught that it is okay if they did not to win. This will surely help the child to look at losing a game with positive feelings. Children should be taught to play different roles so that they are made to realize that they most certainly cannot be the center of attention all the time. Activities for children to manage their anger should be designed to help them become highly productive while keeping them enjoyable and interesting.

Some of children will show signs of being upset and angry all the time. For such children the worksheets must be used to find out what is actually bothering them. One way is to list the causes of their anger and have them identify them so that the same can be used to help treat them. Here simple sentences are written on the worksheets which contain the problems relating to the child's anger. While the children work on the worksheets they would hardly be aware that they are giving out information that would be necessary to address their anger issues. Anyone who is preparing worksheets for anger management for children should keep the child in mind while doing so. It is important to know how a child's mind would work before designing a good program to treat their anger issues

Children's Anger Management Worksheets - Tips To Manage An Angry Kid Easily
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Thursday, December 6, 2012

Sympathy Messages

The loss of a loved one. It is often difficult to find the right words to express your sympathy to someone during this time of sorrow. A floral tribute and supportive message can offer much support to those grieving such a loss. Here we list some suggestions, perhaps to inspire you as you offer your condolences with your floral tribute.

~Our deepest condolences

~With Sympathy

Sympathy Messages

~Our thoughts are with you and your family.

~In Loving Memory

~You are in our thoughts and prayers.

~Fondest remembrances

~Thinking of you and offering you hope and comfort.

~May you find peace and love in the memories you cherish.

In the weeks after...

After the initial outpouring of support, even weeks after the service, encouraging words can provide continued comfort. Consider sending a floral arrangement, a green or blooming plant, or even a gourmet or fruit basket to the family's home with a supportive message. Here are a few suggestions for you;

~Just wanted you to know you are in my thoughts

~I have been thinking of you

~Hope this brings sunshine to your day

~Let's get together soon for lunch, give me a call.

~Just as you have been for us, we are always here for you.

Overall, an uplifting and sensitive message is most comforting. Avoid words like "sad" or "I know how you feel". Messages offering your heartfelt support and friendship with your floral tribute will be appreciated. Your local florist can offer further suggestions about sending a floral tribute.

Sympathy Messages
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Sunday, December 2, 2012

Anger Management Activities That Can Help You Cope

Anger management activities can help you to find a solution to the anger you have. Actually, you can apply these anger management techniques to just about everyone at the office. The fact is that everyone finds themselves struggling with anger at varying degrees with the people that are around them. It is all too common for people to face problems with each other based on simple things that get taken out of hand. Yet, that does not minimize the need or the frustration that they face.

As a mediator, it can do a great deal of help to the whole if the group breaks down into sections and directly relates to their anger management problems. This should start with anger management activities that are centered on the individuals that need it the most. Activities should be directly controlled by the mediator to insure that nothing gets out of hand.

An example of an anger management activity that can be beneficial is that of the group session:

Anger Management Activities That Can Help You Cope

· Six to eight people are in the group. The moderator (or someone in the group) will ask the questions:

- Is anyone angry at anyone in the group?

- Is anyone angry with anyone in other areas of their lives?

- Is anyone carrying a grudge that they need to get out?

· The person that has a problem will say, "I have a problem and would like to share my feelings about it." The person who the problem is directed at should agree to allow them to present their feelings without interrupting them.

· The individual with the problem presents his or her feelings. The person they are directed at (or the group) then talks about how they see the situation and they work to resolve the problem.

· The goal is to come to a conclusion about the anger and to resolve it. Not to quiet it, forget about it or to continue with the angry feelings.

· Grudges should be talked about and the person holding it should tell the person just what they can do for you to let go of that grudge. Again, working with it until it is resolved is the best way to go.

This anger management activity is just one thing that can be done. Often, anger management counseling should be done to help the individual to go through the problems as well. When the group is working on the anger management activities, it not only gets rid of the anger and frustration that is there but additionally it helps to keep the group together making them stronger.

Anger management activities are ideally present in all workforces. There are going to be problems when people work together. While problems often arise, there is no reason why they can not be addressed in a group and through anger management counseling. The whole is better for it.

Anger Management Activities That Can Help You Cope
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Friday, November 30, 2012

Anger Management, a Neglected Topic in Substance Abuse Intervention

A long standing issue

Problems managing anger has always been a concern for patients suffering from addictive disorders. Pioneering research by my mentor, Dr. Sidney Cohen at the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute demonstrated the relationship between, anger, violence and the use of alcohol and or cocaine. One of the most popular articles written by Dr. Cohen, was entitled, "Alcohol, the most dangerous drug known to man". In this and other publications, Dr. Cohen systematically demonstrated the causal relationship between cocaine and alcohol abuse and aggression. Much of this research was done in the 70s and 80s.

Anger has always been a factor in substance abuse intervention. Unfortunately, until recently, it has been overlooked or treated as an after thought by substance abuse programs nationwide. Substance use and abuse often coexist with anger, aggressive behavior and person-directed violence. Data from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration's National Household Survey on Drug Abuse indicated that 40 % of frequent cocaine users reported engaging in some form of violence or aggressive behavior. Anger and aggression often can have a causal role in the initiation of drug and alcohol use and can also be a consequence associated with substance abuse. Persons who experience traumatic events, for example, often experience anger and act violently, as well as abuse drugs or alcohol. This is currently occurring with recently returned combat veterans from Iraq.

Anger Management, a Neglected Topic in Substance Abuse Intervention

ANGER AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE

Substance abuse and dependence has grown beyond even the bleakest predictions of the past. In the United States alone, there are an estimated 23 million people who are struggling (on a daily basis) with some form of substance abuse or dependence. The toll it is having on our society is dramatically increased when we factor in the number of families who suffer the consequences of living with a person with an addiction, such as:

o Job loss

o Incarceration

o Loss of child Custody

o DUI's

o Domestic Violence/Aggression

o Marital problems/divorce

o Accidents/injuries

o Financial problems

o Depression/anxiety/chronic anger

Unfortunately, most substance abusers may not even be aware that they have an underlying anger problem and do not "connect" their anger problem to their alcoholism, drug addiction and substance abuse. Therefore, they do not seek (or get) help for their anger problem. But more often than not, their anger is the underlying source of their disorder.
Anger precedes the use of cocaine and alcohol for many alcohol and cocaine dependent individuals. Anger is an emotional and mental form of "suffering" that occurs whenever our desires and expectations of life, others or self are thwarted or unfulfilled. Addictive behavior and substance abuse is an addict's way of relieving themselves of the agony of their anger by "numbing" themselves with drugs, alcohol and so on. This is not "managing their anger", but self medication.

When we do not know how to manage our anger appropriately, we try to keep the anger inside ourselves. Over time, it festers and often gives rise to even more painful emotions, such as depression and anxiety. Thus, the individual has now created an additional problem for themselves besides their substance abuse, and must be treated with an additional disorder. Several clinical studies have demonstrated that anger management intervention for individuals with substance abuse problems is very effective in reducing or altogether eliminating a relapse.

Medical research has found that alcohol, cocaine and methamphetamine dependence are medical diseases associated with biochemical changes in the brain. Traditional treatment approaches for drug and alcohol dependency focus mainly on group therapy and cognitive behavior modification, which very often does not deal with either the anger or the "physiological" components underlying the addictive behavior.

Anger precedes the use of cocaine for many cocaine-dependent individuals; thus, cocaine-dependent individuals who experience frequent and intense episodes of anger may be more likely to relapse to cocaine use than individuals who can control their anger effectively. Several clinical trials have demonstrated that cognitive-behavioral interventions for the treatment of mood and anxiety disorders can be used to help individuals with anger control problems reduce the frequency and intensity with which they experience anger.

Although studies have indirectly examined anger management group treatments in populations with a high prevalence of substance abuse, few studies have directly examined the efficacy of an anger management treatment for cocaine-dependent individuals. A number of studies demonstrating the effectiveness of an anger management treatment in a sample of participants who had a primary diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder have been conducted by the Department of Veterans Affairs. Although many participants in these studies had a history of drug or alcohol dependence, the sample was not selected based on inclusion criteria for a substance dependence disorder, such as cocaine dependence. Considering the possible mediating role of anger for substance abuse, a study examining the efficacy of anger management treatment in a sample of cocaine-dependent patients would be informative.

Anger management as an after thought

In spite of the information available to all professional substance abuse treatment providers, anger management has not received the attention which is deserved and needed for successful substance abuse treatment. Many if not most substance abuse programs claim to offer anger management as one of the topics in its treatment yet few substance abuse counseling programs include anger certification for these counselors.

Typically, new substance abuse counselors are simply told that they will need to teach a certain numbers of hours or sessions on anger management and then left to find there own anger management information and teaching material. These counselors tend to piece together whatever they can find and present it as anger management.

Despite the connection of anger and violence to substance abuse, few substance abuse providers have attempted to either connect the two or provide intervention for both. In the Los Angeles area, a number of primarily upscale residential rehab programs for drug and alcohol treatment have contracted with Certified Anger Management Providers to offer anger management either in groups on an individual basis for inpatient substance abuse clients. Malibu based Promises (which caters to the stars) has contracted with Certified Providers to offer anger management on an individual coaching bases.

It may also be of interest to note that SAMSHA has published an excellent client workbook along with teacher's manual entitled, Anger Management for Substance Abuse and Mental Health Clients: A Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Manual [and] Participant Workbook.
This publication free and any program can order as many copies as needed without cost. There is simply no excuse for shortchanging substance abuse clients by not providing real anger management classes.

Limited anger management research

What has been offered as anger management in substance abuse programs has lacked integrity. The Canadian Bureau of Prisons has conducted a 15 year longitudinal study on the effectiveness of anger management classes for incarcerated defendants whose original crime included substance abuse, aggression and violence. One of first findings was that in order to be useful, the anger management model used must have integrity. Integrity is defined as using a client workbook containing all of the material needed for an anger management class, consistency among trainers in terms of how the material is taught and a pre and post test to document change made by clients who complete the class.
It is not possible to determine the effective of anger management which is fragmented and not based on any particular structure of theoretical base.

Anger management training is rarely integrated into substance abuse treatment
At the present time, anger management is rarely integrated into any model of substance abuse intervention. Rather, it is simply filler tacked on to a standard twelve step program,

Trends in anger management and substance abuse treatment.

Several years ago, the California state legislature established statewide guidelines for all state and locally supported substance abuse programs. This legislation is included in what is commonly referred to as proposition 36. As a result of this legislation, all substance abuse counselors must have documented training in anger management facilitator certification. This training requires 40 hours of core training plus 16 hours of continuing anger management education of a yearly basis.

What is Anger Management?

Anger management is rapidly becoming the most requested intervention in human services. It may be worthwhile to define what anger management is and is not. According to the American Psychiatric Association, anger is a normal human emotion. It is not a pathological condition therefore; it is not listed as a defined illness in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Nervous and Mental Disorders. Rather, anger is considered a lifestyle issue. This means that psychotherapy or psychotropic medication is not an appropriate intervention for teaching skills for managing anger.

The American Association of Anger Management Providers defines anger management as a skill enhancement course which teaches skills in recognizing and managing anger, stress, assertive communication and emotional intelligence. Anger is seen a normal human emotion which is a problem when it occurs too frequently, lasts too long, is too intense, is harmful to self or others or leads to person or property directed aggression.

The Anderson & Anderson anger management curriculum is currently the most widely used model of anger management in the world. This model includes an assessment at intake which is designed to determine the client's level of functioning in the following four areas, anger, stress, communication and emotional intelligence. The intervention/classes which are provided teach skills in these four areas. Post test are administered after course completion to determine the success or lack thereof of the program.

In Summary

All anger management programs should conduct an assessment at intake for substance abuse and psychopathology and all substance abuse programs should assess all participants for the current level of functioning in recognizing anger, stress, assertive communication and emotional intelligence.

All substance abuse programs should have their intervention staff certified in anger management facilitation.

Guidelines should be established to determine the number of hours/sessions that each client will receive in teaching skill enhancement in anger management, stress management, communication and emotional intelligence.

Anger Management, a Neglected Topic in Substance Abuse Intervention
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Anderson & Anderson
http://www.andersonservices.com
The Directory of Anger Management Providers
http://www.anger-management-resources.org
American Association of Anger Management Providers
http://www.aaamp.org

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Monday, November 26, 2012

Coping with Change: Develop Your Personal Strategy

Why do we resist change?

As the saying goes, the only people who like change are busy cashiers and wet babies. We find change disorienting, creating within us an anxiety similar to culture shock, the unease visitors to an alien land feel because of the absence of the familiar cues they took for granted back home. With an established routine, we don't have to think! And thinking is hard work.

Change is a business fact of life

Coping with Change: Develop Your Personal Strategy

Is your company is currently undergoing major changes that will affect the lives of all of its employees? These changes are probably in response to the evolving needs of your customers. They are made possible because of improvements in telecommunications and digital technology. They are likely guided by accepted principles and practices of total quality management. And you can expect that they will result in significant improvements profitability--a success that all employees will share. Because our customers' needs are NOW, we must make changes swiftly, which means that all of us must cooperate with the changes, rather than resist them.

How do we resist change?

We tend to respond to change the same way we respond to anything we perceive as a threat: by flight or fight. Our first reaction is flight--we try to avoid change if we can. We do what futurist Faith Popcorn calls "cocooning": we seal ourselves off from those around us and try to ignore what is happening. This can happen in the workplace just by being passive. We don't volunteer for teams or committees; we don't make suggestions, ask questions, or offer constructive criticism. But the changes ahead are inescapable. Those who "cocoon" themselves will be left behind.

Even worse is to fight, to actively resist change. Resistance tactics might include negativity, destructive criticism, and even sabotage. If this seldom happens at your company, you are fortunate.

Take a different approach to change

Rejecting both alternatives of flight or flight, we seek a better option--one that neither avoids change nor resists it, but harnesses and guides it.

Change can be the means to your goals, not a barrier to them.
Both fight and flight are reactions to perceiving change as a threat. But if we can change our perceptions, we can avoid those reactions. An old proverb goes, "Every change brings an opportunity." In other words, we must learn to see change as a means of achieving our goals, not a barrier preventing us from reaching them.

Another way of expressing the same thought is: A change in my external circumstances provides me with an opportunity to grow as a human being. The greater the change is, the greater and faster I can grow. If we can perceive change along these lines, we will find it exciting and energizing, rather than depressing and debilitating.

Yet this restructuring of our perspective on change can take some time. In fact, coping with change follows the same steps as the grieving process.1 The steps are shock and denial that the old routine must be left behind, then anger that change is inevitable, then despair and a longing for the old ways, eventually replaced by acceptance of the new and a brighter view of the future. Everyone works through this process; for some, the transition is lightning fast, for others painfully slow.

Realize your capacity to adapt.

As one writer put it recently:

Our foreparents lived through sea changes, upheavals so cataclysmic, so devastating we may never appreciate the fortitude and resilience required to survive them. The next time you feel resistant, think about them and about what they faced--and about what they fashioned from a fraction of the options we have. They blended old and new worlds, creating family, language, cuisine and new life-affirming rhythms, and they encouraged their children to keep on stepping toward an unknown but malleable future.2

Human beings are created remarkably flexible, capable of adapting to a wide variety of environments and situations. Realizing this can help you to embrace and guide change rather than resisting or avoiding it.

Develop a coping strategy based on who you are.

Corporate employees typically follow one of four decision-making styles: analytical, directive, conceptual, and behavioral. These four styles, described in a book by Alan J. Rowe and Richard O. Mason,3 have the following characteristics:
Analytical Style - technical, logical, careful, methodical, needs much data, likes order, enjoys problem-solving, enjoys structure, enjoys scientific study, and enjoys working alone. Conceptual Style - creative and artistic, future oriented, likes to brainstorm, wants independence, uses judgment, optimistic, uses ideas vs. data, looks at the big picture, rebellious and opinionated, and committed to principles or a vision. Behavioral Style - supportive of others, empathetic, wants affiliation, nurtures others, communicates easily, uses instinct, avoids stress, avoids conflict, relies on feelings instead of data, and enjoys team/group efforts. Directive Style - aggressive, acts rapidly, takes charge, persuasive and/or is manipulative, uses rules, needs power/status, impatient, productive, single-minded, and enjoys individual achievements.

Read once more through these descriptions and identify which style best describes you. Then find and study the strategy people who share your style follow to cope with change:

Analytical coping strategy - You see change as a challenging puzzle to be solved. You need plenty of time to gather information, analyze data, and draw conclusions. You will resist change if you are not given enough time to think it through. Conceptual coping strategy - You are interested in how change fits into the big picture. You want to be involved in defining what needs to change and why. You will resist change if you feel excluded from participating in the change process. Behavioral coping strategy - You want to know how everyone feels about the changes ahead. You work best when you know that the whole group is supportive of each other and that everyone champions the change process. If the change adversely affects someone in the group, you will perceive change as a crisis. Directive coping strategy - You want specifics on how the change will affect you and what your own role will be during the change process. If you know the rules of the change process and the desired outcome, you will act rapidly and aggressively to achieve change goals. You resist change if the rules or anticipated results are not clearly defined.

Realizing what our normal decision-making style is, can enable us to develop personal change-coping tactics.

How can we cope with change?

Getting at least this much comprehension of the big picture will help us to understand where each of us fits.

2. Do some anchoring. - When everything around you is in a state of flux, it sure helps to find something stable that isn't going to change, no matter what. Your company's values (whether articulated or not) can provide that kind of stability for you. Ours include the Company Family, Focus on the Customer, Be Committed to Quality, and Maintain Mutual Respect. These values are rock-solid; they are not going to disappear or rearrange themselves into something else. Plus, each of us has personal values that perhaps are even more significant and permanent. Such immovables can serve as anchors to help us ride out the storm.

3. Keep your expectations realistic. - A big part of taking control of the change you experience is to set your expectations. You can still maintain an optimistic outlook, but aim for what is realistically attainable. That way, the negatives that come along won't be so overwhelming, and the positives will be an adrenaline rush. Here are some examples:

Invest time and energy in training. Sharpen your skills so that you can meet the challenges ahead with confidence. If the training you need is not available through Bowne, get it somewhere else, such as the community college or adult education program in your area.

Get help when you need it. If you are confused or overwhelmed with the changes swirling around you, ask for help. Your supervisor, manager, or coworkers may be able to assist you in adjusting to the changes taking place. Your human resources department and any company-provided counseling services are other resources available to you.

Make sure the change does not compromise either your company values or your personal ones. If you are not careful, the technological advances jostling each other for your attention and adoption will tend to isolate you from personal contact with your coworkers and customers. E-mail, teleconference, voice-mail, and Intranet can make us more in touch with each other, or they can keep us antiseptically detached, removed from an awareness that the digital signals we are sending reach and influence another flesh-and-blood human being.

Aware of this tendency, we must actively counteract the drift in this direction by taking an interest in people and opening up ourselves to them in return. We have to remember to invest in people--all of those around us--not just in technology.

The "new normalcy"

Ultimately, we may discover that the current state of flux is permanent. After the events of September 11, Vice President Richard Cheney said we should accept the many resultant changes in daily life as permanent rather than temporary. "Think of them," he recommended, "as the 'new normalcy.'"

You should take the same approach to the changes happening at your workplace. These are not temporary adjustments until things get "back to normal." They are probably the "new normalcy" of your life as a company. The sooner you can accept that these changes are permanent, the better you can cope with them all--and enjoy their positive results.

Notes

1. Nancy J. Barger and Linda K. Kirby, The Challenge of Change in Organizations: Helping Employees Thrive in the New Frontier (Palo Alto, CA: Davies-Black Publ., 1995). This source is summarized in Mary M. Witherspoon, "Coping with Change," Women in Business 52, 3 (May/June 2000): 22-25.

2. Susan Taylor, "Embracing Change," Essence (Feb. 2002): 5.

3. Alan J. Rowe and Richard O. Mason, Managing with Style: A Guide to Understanding, Assessing and Improving Decision-Making (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Management Series, 1987) cited in Witherspoon, "Coping with Change."

4. Emily Friedman, "Creature Comforts," Health Forum Journal 42, 3 (May/June 1999): 8-11. Futurist John Naisbitt has addressed this tendency in his book, High tech/high touch: Technology and our search for meaning (New York: Random House, 1999). Naisbitt co-wrote this book with his daughter Nana Naisbitt and Douglas Philips.

Coping with Change: Develop Your Personal Strategy
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* * *

Copyright ©2006 Steve Singleton

Steve Singleton has written and edited several books and numerous articles. He has been an editor, reporter, and public relations consultant. He has taught college-level Greek, Bible, and religious studies courses and has taught seminars in 11 states and the Caribbean.

Go to his DeeperStudy.com for Bible study resources, no matter what your level of expertise. Explore "The Shallows," plumb "The Depths," or use the well-organized "Study Links" for original sources in English translation. Check out the DeeperStudy Bookstore for great e-books, free books, and great discounts. Subscribe to his free "DeeperStudy Newsletter" or "DeeperStudy Blog."

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Thursday, November 22, 2012

The Four Types of Anger - All You Ever Wanted to Know About Anger (But Were Too Outraged to Ask!)

Anger comes from the Latin word, angere, which means "to strangle." Anger strangles us on a number of different levels. It is the emotion which is probably the most familiar to the majority of us. A consistent finding in those who have low self-esteem, migraines, ulcers, heart attacks, substance abuse problems, troubled work and interpersonal relationships and frequent job loss is that they are unable to master their anger. Rather than controlling their anger, their anger controls them. While anger is not the sole cause of these problems, the constant appearance of anger in such individuals indicates that it is a prime factor in all of these problems.

Too much anger is toxic. Anger and hostility result in dis-ease of all types. It is physically arousing and has damaging physiological correlates, such as increased heart rate, more cortisol (a stress hormone) dumped into your system, muscle tension, headaches, decreased mental clarity and clogged arteries.

Anger signals the fact that something or someone has come between you and a desired goal of yours. It is a call to action. The goal may be as simple as trying to get home during rush hour. Yet, when another driver rudely cuts you off on the freeway, your anger rears its head.

The Four Types of Anger - All You Ever Wanted to Know About Anger (But Were Too Outraged to Ask!)

The emotion anger is frequently confused with the actions you take while angry. This doesn't happen with fear. You don't confuse the emotion fear with the act of running away. However, anger is nearly always thought to be negative and destructive, despite the fact that anger itself is merely a feeling. Anger, in and of itself, if not acted upon, is instructive, not destructive. Anger can be a good thing. However, for anger to be positive, you must first learn to manage your emotions. Then you have a choice as to how to respond to anger's signal.

Four Types of Anger

To alleviate some of this confusion around anger, allow me to better acquaint you with the various types of anger. There are at least four types of anger of which we know: anger directed at self, anger directed at others, disappointment, and constructive anger.

1. Anger at Self

The first type is anger directed inwardly at oneself. The anger sits inside and burns and festers. After enough anger has been turned inward, it eventually leads to inappropriate angry outbursts at undeserving and unsuspecting people. Studies show that most people turn 90% of their anger inwards at themselves. Most of this anger is an attempt to control and contain the frightening emotion of anger. Anger can lead us to rage-filled, uncontrollable behaviors. Rather than feel the anger, honoring the feeling, and releasing it, most of us bottle it up. This stuffed anger is toxic and leads to all sorts of negative health outcomes. It also leads to displaced anger where you get angry with the wrong person, at the wrong time, and to the wrong degree.

2. Anger at Other

A second type of anger is directed outward. This type of anger builds upon itself and can frequently lead to rage. This form of outward-directed anger is typically displaced onto the wrong person, at the wrong time and in the wrong manner.

Both of the first two types of anger are destructive. Destructive anger includes anger that is directed inward and never released and anger that is inappropriately directed outward at others. Anger directed at others may be inappropriate in terms of its target (Are you directing your anger at the right person?), its intensity (Is the degree of anger in keeping with the offense?), its timing (Is this the best time to make your anger known?), and the manner in which it is communicated (Is this the best way to communicate my anger?).

3. Disappointment

The third type of anger exists in tandem with sadness and most closely resembles disappointment. Disappointment usually involves a judgment that has not been met. Judgments cause trouble for everyone. Judgments usually involve an element of moral superiority, as if you know what is best for someone else. Stay away from judgments.

4. Constructive Anger

The final type of anger is the type used as a positive motivator to act to remove an obstacle that is preventing you from reaching a goal. This type of anger can be a constructive anger, that is, an anger that is quickly released and prompts you to act in a positive manner to remove the obstacle from your path.

Constructive anger actually provides you with a persistent attitude which enables you to push forward to solve a given problem. These four types of anger have been demonstrated via several methods - reports from subjects in scientific studies, physiological evidence, and behavioral data. When increasing your emotional awareness, part of the task is to learn the variety of subtle emotional differences within one family of emotion. The better equipped we are to make subtle differentiations within an emotion, such as anger, the better able you are to share with others the degree of feeling you are currently experiencing. With that in mind, let us turn to the bodily cues that anger provides us.

Physiological Cues of Anger

In order to stop the cycle of anger, you have to tune in to the early warning signs. So pay attention! When you begin to feel angry, blood flows to your hands and feet, making it easier to strike at your perceived enemy, your heart rate increases, a rush of adrenaline kicks in and your body prepares for forceful action. Anger causes a surge of chemicals (catecholamines) which creates a quick, one-time rush of energy to allow for one brief shot at physical action. Meanwhile, in the background, another batch of chemicals, including cortisol, is released through the adrenocortical branch into the nervous system that creates a backdrop of physical readiness. This emotional undertone lasts much longer than the initial one-time surge and can last for days. This undertone keeps the brain in a special state of overarousal building a foundation on which reactions can occur with great speed.

Compassion as the Antidote to Anger

If you want to reduce your anger, think of the universe as compassionate and nurturing. As such it is designed to reward compassionate, nurturing behaviors in individuals. Compassion transcends both natural human sympathy and normal Christian concern, enabling one to sense in others a wide range of emotions and then provide a supportive foundation of caring. Compassion occurs when a person is moved by the suffering or distress of another, and by the desire to relieve it. Compassion is empathy, not sympathy. It is the identification with and the understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives. This ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes serves as the perfect antidote to anger in which one perceives an obstruction to one's goals.

The goal is to understand the situation from the perspective of the other person. Often this involves interpreting the situation with a large degree of grace. For example, I am driving 75 miles per hour in the fast lane. A car comes up behind me doing 100 mph. The driver comes inches from my rear bumper in a desperate attempt to get me to move aside. At this point, my former interpretation was "That idiot! What does he think he's doing? I'm going 75! I'll show him." And then I let off the gas to slow down ever so slightly. My current interpretation is "He's probably trying to get to the emergency room. Perhaps there has been an accident." And I change lanes and let him by. No anger.

You can learn to be less angry and, as a result, more happy. It takes time. It takes practice. It takes awareness. And it's worth every ounce of effort you put into it.

The Four Types of Anger - All You Ever Wanted to Know About Anger (But Were Too Outraged to Ask!)
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Dr. John Schinnerer is in private practice helping people learn anger management, stress management and the latest ways to deal with destructive negative emotions. He also helps clients discover optimal human functioning via positive psychology. His practice is located in the Danville-San Ramon Medical Center at 913 San Ramon Valley Blvd., #280, Danville, California 94526. He graduated summa cum laude from U.C. Berkeley with a Ph.D. in psychology. He is collaborating with the University of New Zealand on the International Wellbeing Study to look at what we do right and what make for a meaningful, thriving life. He consults with cutting-edge companies with novel technologies such as Resonance Technologies which has a unique method to quantify emotional reactions to products, change initiatives and leadership teams. Dr. Schinnerer has been an executive and psychologist for over 10 years. Dr. John Schinnerer is President and Founder of Guide To Self, a company that coaches clients to their potential using the latest in positive psychology, mindfulness and attentional control. Dr. John Schinnerer hosted over 200 episodes of Guide To Self Radio, a prime time radio show, in the San Francisco Bay Area. Dr. Schinnerer's areas of expertise range from positive psychology, to emotional awareness, to moral development, to sports psychology. Dr. Schinnerer wrote the award-winning, "Guide To Self: The Beginner's Guide To Managing Emotion and Thought," which is available at Amazon.com, BarnesAndNoble.com and AuthorHouse.com.

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